Nobody's ever seen anything like it. It’s got eight absolutely incredible arms—strong arms, not like those weak squid arms, believe me. And right on top, it’s got Trump's head—beautiful hair, the best hair. People are always talking about it. The ocean's never seen anything this classy before.

It’s swimming around, negotiating deals with the fish, winning bigly. All the other sea creatures? Total losers compared to this guy. The sharks, the crabs—they're all jealous. And you know what? If this octopus ran for president of the ocean, it would win in a landslide. No question.